Category: Positive Ageing

HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF MIND

A beautiful message explaining how Happiness is a State of Mind.

HAPPINESSAll of us should try to develop such an attitude. A man of 92 years, short, very well-presented, who takes great care in his appearance, is moving into an old people’s home today. After waiting several hours in the retirement home lobby, he gently smiles as he is told that his room is ready. His wife of 80 has recently died, and he is obliged to leave his home. As he slowly walks to the elevator, using his cane, I describe his small room to him, including the sheet hung at the window which serves as a curtain.

“I like it very much”, he says, with the enthusiasm of an 8-year-old boy who has just been given a new puppy.

“You haven’t even seen the room yet, hang on a moment, we are almost there.”

“That has nothing to do with it”, he replies.

“It is already decided in my mind that I like my room. It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up.”

“Happiness is something I choose in advance. Whether or not I like the room does not depend on the furniture, or the décor rather it depends on how I decide to see it.”
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ATTACHMENT WITH DETACHMENT

I have the pleasure of forwarding a very touching emotional article by Mrs. Chithra Vishwanathan a well-known Cooking expert, as to how you can transform your life by transforming your thinking:

 

“When my daughter, elder one of my two children, got married and left the house, I felt as if I could not let her leave me. Having a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, but differently.

 

Once my daughter reached her teens I had started feeling as if my daughter was a ‘physical extension” of me. So when she was leaving home to set up her own nest, it was as though, I was losing a limb.

 

The next time she came for a short stay with us, I was astonished at how her priorities had changed. (of course, we must have given the same shocks to our parents). When she said Amma, she meant her mother-in-law, not me!

 

I imagined that she was always in a hurry to go back to her house and not stay with me for a few more days which I wanted so badly. That was the first time; it dawned on me that I have to start practicing detachment in attachment.

 

Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies in the US. Having experienced a child’s separation once, this time I was better equipped emotionally.

 

I plunged headlong into various classes held in the city starting from Vedanta to healing to Ikebana – I just wanted to be away from home. My husband, who was a workaholic, also could not understand my predicament.

 

My son used to write how he was missing my home-cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us etc. After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.

 

He started living separately with his wife & we were also happy that they wanted to be independent. But now, it was all changed!

 

When in the US, he missed my cooking. Now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like “oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don’t mistake us if we don’t drop in today “!

 

I could see that his priorities had also changed completely.

 

We talk in theory so many things and advise others etc. but when it comes to our children, acceptance comes very late and the next step is just leaving them undisturbed in every way, mainly without advice from our end.

 

It was at that time, I made the following lines as my “new profile”:

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SELF-CENTEREDNESS: BARRIER TO POSITIVE AGEING

Self-centeredness or self-absorption in old age is a complex phenomenon. It is a maladaptive quality related to coping and subjective well-being in the last phase of life. The person having a self-absorption style of life fails to develop other focused qualities, (which are the signs of wisdom) in old age. Such persons have a difficult time experiencing positive ageing.

Self-centeredness has many forms. A self-absorbed person focuses on him or herself and gives priority to the meeting of personal needs, desires, appetites and preferences. They do not give importance to the needs of others (even to their family members or caregivers). Self-focus may be of two forms-(a) I am special and (b) something is wrong with me. These two forms interact with the ageing process. The elderly thinks-“I am special because I am old” and should be cared for first. When he says that “something is wrong with me”, he is of the view that due to my vulnerability to disease and disability I should be given priority.
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LEARNING IS A POSITIVE AGEING STRATEGY

(LEARN NEW THINGS, TRY NEW THINGS)

“Anyone who stops learning is old whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.” – Henry Ford

Learning is an important positive ageing strategy to help you remain vital in your later years. Learning in old age preserves intellectual functioning and ward off memory decline (dementia) which is very common in old age. By learning new things you are improving your brain health-your mental faculty, attention, memory. There is a saying- “use it or lose it”. If you are not using your brain you will lose its functioning. Learning is a lifelong process. If you are continuing yourself educating you will stay up to date.

Learning, like physical exercise, is effective when you develop a habit or pattern of doing it. Learning, to begin with, requires some initial effort. If you persist it will become easier to do and you will get satisfaction from the outcome. Learning needs persistence and sustained effort. Do not worry about the slow process of your learning. Remember you are not going to be examined. Suppose you want to learn some musical instrument you may encounter some difficulty, don’t lose your motivation to learn.

LEARNING
LEARN NEW THINGS, TRY NEW THINGS

You may raise a question –“ what one should learn”? It is an important question. The answer is – it depends on your choice or interest or your curiosity to know. Learning desire is the strongest motivation. For learning in old age, a strict classroom setting is not essential. Life-long learning is expanding learning beyond classroom settings and into the home. You may use the Internet and computer, ( you may join senior internet networks) Radio, Television, Print media, etc.
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POSITIVE AGEING: FIND MEANING IN OLD AGE

Generally, elderly people raise a question-“how long will I live”?. 

The right question which one should raise is – “ if I am going to live such a long time, how can I be happy in the process “?

 

The common worries of the elderly are- “I am losing my health”, “ I am losing the ability to take care of myself”. In late life person’s health declines, he loses youthful looks, feels functional loss and becomes physically vulnerable. There arises a gap between what he aspires to do and what he can do.

 

There are specific consequences of age-related declines, such as memory impairment (it can create a fear of loss of meaning as you get older), physical disability, etc. The age-related decline is different from decline due to disease. An age-related decline occurs gradually in stages such as by-function, disability, dependency and death. The pathway through these four stages of ageing is unavoidable. The decline will  affect you and influence your life satisfaction and well-being.


This process of decline is termed frailty which is not connected to illness and disease. Being frail means you are declining, it does not mean that you are weak or unhealthy.  Continue reading “POSITIVE AGEING: FIND MEANING IN OLD AGE”